Life is so unpredictable...

Monday, June 25, 2012

Life is so unpredictable…

Thank you for all the warm comments and messages! I was honestly kind of embarrassed and heart-warming the next day, because I shouldn’t post something when I am at the bottom of it while having an emotional time, which resulted in a depressing and misleading post like that. I was mostly angry at myself, not other people.

I’ve bounced back now, just thought I can allow myself a day or two to “recover”. I apologize that you have to see my semi-emotional break down because usually I am pretty good at managing negative emotion and turn it into positive power within 1 second. Anyways, thank you again! :)

So regarding the title: during the recovering time I made up my mind/and brain-washed myself on my career path that I want to pursue art-related, because apparently I suck at being a programmer lol. I had two interviews last week, coincidentally 1 for art and 1 for programming-tech. Funny thing is, I got rejected from the art job, but proceed to the next round of interview for the programming job. It was a well-known big company too. Now I am all confused lol….what the hell I need to reinstall my brain now.

Undercut is just I felt I should mention the reason of last depressing post, since I think I made some people really worried and I am really sorry about that ;x;

It is a bit hard to explain what happened, but no one was mean or acting bad to me XDrz Basically I asked someone else (which I would like to think we ended up becoming friends?) to give advice on my portfolio, resume and interview tips. They spent entire Saturday to help me, and were brutally honest with me on everything. None of them are even art major or going to art school; they are just several professionals who have a lot of experience and are also involved in hiring process in their current jobs.

Like, it is what I want and I asked them in the first place. What made me depressed was not their criticism, but the fact that I actually felt depressed and had my self-esteem shattered because of it. So I guess I was thinking I should be stronger, expecting myself to be, and was really, really disappointed in myself that I am actually not. It was funny, really, that even in the notorious art school, I still got compliment more than criticism. I thought I can take it well because I thought I”ve been through worst, but NO, apparently I had an easy life XDrz.

They are not even criticizing about art; if they do, I wouldn’t mind anyways because I KNOW I still have a lot to improve, just like anyone else. I wasn’t sure why other little things like I wrote a bad resume got to me that day, but mostly I was pretty pissed at myself that I made so many mistakes on little things like this, and it felt like I was so immature and stupid at that time.

But I’ve learned a lot! And I am glad because I need some self-doubt once a while—yes I am usually an over-confident and optimistic bastard, someone need to periodically knock me. I have most of the stuff fixed, and today even though I got rejected from a game studio, the interviewer was really nice to give me detailed advice and critique on my portfolio like he was my art professor, and I appreciate it a lot to the point that I think I aced it even though I got rejected XD